Dog’s Annual Performance Report

For Your Consideration When Determining My Treat Allotment

Photo by Conor Brown on Unsplash

Hi Boss,

Thanks for scheduling my annual performance review. I’ve accomplished a lot of the goals we set at last year’s review, and I’m looking forward to sharing the results with you.

First, I’d like to take the opportunity to thank you for giving me the responsibility of patrolling the backyard. I know that the forest is directly behind our fence, and that means there’s all kinds of stranger danger lurking out there. The fact that you have trusted me with protecting this most dangerous line of defense is an honor, and I take my duties very seriously.

It’s been a satisfying year. I’m happy to report that I have faithfully protected the backyard from the ongoing squirrel menace every day of the year, without fail. Those jokers think they’ve got the upper hand since they are literally above me in the trees, but through the use of my superior barking skills, not a single one has ever touched a blade of grass on the ground. They wouldn’t dare.

Other animals have either been braver, or dumber, because they walked right into our backyard without a care in the world. Even when I’m indoors, I’m always keeping an ear out for them, and when they’ve breached our perimeter, I’ve diligently chased them…